Ahavah: Love, or something like it.

The Talmud relates many stories about a Rabbi named Hillel. Hillel was one of the leading rabbis in his generation, and many people respected him. Once, a man who wanted to “put the rabbi in his place” approached Hillel and said, “Teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot.”

Hillel, not one to turn down a challenge, answered “What is hateful to you, don’t do unto others. The rest of the Torah is just commentary.”

The concept of treating others the way we want to be treated is written in the Torah as “V’Ahavta L’reacha Kamocha” which translates as “Love your fellow as you love yourself”. This is the mitzvah of Ahavat Yisrael-loving every Jew. We are commanded to love every Jew, even a stranger whom we have never met!

• What does it mean to love another as much as we love ourselves?
• How can we be commanded to love at all? Love is an emotion!

Let’s try to understand what Jewish love is and what being a Jew means and hopefully we will understand how love on this plane is possible.

Let’s start with love. There are many types of love, but they all fit into one of the following two categories, if not both: A love centered on the one who loves, or a love that centers on the one who is loved.

On a very simple level, we use love as a selfish word. I love cake. Why do I love cake? Because I like the way I feel when I eat cake. I enjoy the taste and texture of a good chocolate cake.

Taking it a step further; some people love to ski. There is nothing wrong with skiing, in fact it is good exercise, lots of fun, and will keep you healthy. But why do you love to ski? Is it because you love the sport objectively, or you love the way it makes you feel?

There is another way to love. There is a way to love something or someone for its value regardless of how it affects you.

When you argue with a sibling or a parent, do you no longer love him or her? No, because the love we share for family goes deeper than how they make me feel, we love them for whom THEY are. Even when upset with someone we truly love, we recognize that their good qualities are still there.

The secret of this selfless love lies in appreciating the goodness of the other being regardless of how he or she makes me feel.

The first love, the self-absorbed love is not a choice. I cannot choose how something makes me feel-it just happens that way. When the love is about me, it is more difficult to love someone with imperfections.

On the other hand, the second type of love, the love of recognizing the value of another being, is a love of choice. When thinking about a friend, I can choose which qualities to focus on; the good or the bad. When I appreciate another person for the good that is within them, I begin to feel a love for him or her. When I focus on another person’s weaknesses, it is much harder to feel positively toward him or her. By thinking positive thoughts about another person, I can change the way I feel about him or her.

Ahavah, love according to Judaism, is the latter love. Ahavah is a love that centers on the other. Ahavah is a result of focusing on the positive aspects of the other person. Ahavah is a love of choice; we can choose how we view and feel about other people.

It sounds nice and simple, but in reality it really isn’t. Selflessness is not natural. We are naturally inclined to look out for ourselves and make sure we feel good. That is why we need a commandment to love. We need to be told to look beyond ourselves and work on seeing others for who they are.

Armed with this knowledge, we can set out to love people we know by focusing on what makes them special. We can now understand how it is possible to control the emotion of love. But we are still left with our other question; how can be expected to love another as much as I love myself?

The Torah tells us that all Jews are one unit. Whatever it is that we are going through, we are in it together. Imagine you are working with your friend, building something, and he drops his hammer and it lands on your foot. What is you instinctive reaction? Do you blame him? Are you upset?

Let’s change the scenario a little. You are putting together a bookcase, when your hammer slips from your hand and lands on you shoe. Ouch! Do you get angry at your hand for dropping the hammer? Will you hit yourself in response? If the answer is yes, please seek help immediately.

The Talmud says that our unity is like the unity of the body; we are all part of one entity, even if we are different. When we view another as an extension of ourselves, as part of the same unit, it becomes silly to get angry at their shortcomings. We naturally look beyond our own mistakes and love ourselves despite our imperfections, and can learn how to include others in our sense of “self-love”.

In a way, Ahavat Yisrael is a selfish love, but we choose to include others in our selfishness. We expand our sense of self to include others, thereby creating a world in which mutual love and respect is obvious. It’s not the easiest goal to attain, but definitely makes our existence a more pleasant one.

L’chaim!